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Misery and Misanthropy

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5/1/13 10:17 pm - Madame Tuffington-Douchebag


I'm trying to post via an Android app with lots of negative reviews. We'll see how it goes. At least I can see what I'm typing.

 

The Mighty D took herself on a little jaunt down the walls again. She always goes to the same yard:  6 foot high brick wall, padlocked, presumably no one home.  She stands there and makes this STUPID whooping sound she has instead of a proper bark, and then gives me stinkeye when Gabe calls her home.

 

In about two hours, she's going to start whooping at cats in the backyard. Ugh.

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2/21/13 05:51 am - My trip to the fish store

Danny had me take aquarium water to the fish store for testing. The poor, poor fish store man. He asked, "what kind of tank do you have?" I told him ocean water. He visibly calmed himself and inquired if I have corals or fish or what. I happily stated corals and animals. He patiently queried, "how long have you had it?" I inform him at least a year. Then he makes the mistake of asking why I need it tested if it's an established tank, what are we testing for. I don't know, Danny said some levels of...somethings...were high. If he writes it down, I will give it to The Man and he will understand.

After a bit, he comes back with the numbers. For some reason, he decides to tell me about them. I blink at him. He asks if I'd just fed the fish, because that affects the levels of the things. I state firmly that I do no feeding or fish whatsoever, I only name them. He perseveres. I start asking about blue fish. I want only blue fish. He tells me I don't want these awesome maze-patterned angels because they won't stay blue, and I don't want that other little blue fish "because he's grumpy." Now we're speaking my language.

Danny went back later to get some chemical or other, I flatly refused to participate in more ventures into things I don't understand after peering dimly at the tire salesperson earlier. The fish store man exclaimed in tones of wonderment when he figured out that the moron lady earlier belongs to Danny. He probably wonders how I keep the children alive when I'm so obviously dumb. :)

8/26/12 11:27 pm - The past 24 hours

I have to keep this short before the Ambien catches up with me (yay, sleeping night has finally come). In the last 24 hours: new dog proved herself useful. My backyard is a fully enclosed, no access yard with a 5 and 1/2 foot wall. Great White came galloping down the stairs like the charge of a heavy cavalry, and freaked out at the backdoor. Danny looked over and SAW SOME GUY LOOKING IN. WHO WAS NOT AFRAID OF LARGE, ANGRY DOG. So Danny ran at the door and left the dog out. The dog bit him. Crazy guy who I hope was just high and confused, rather than planning on inviting himself in, punched her on the head. The dog let go long enough for him to try to get back over the wall. She got another good bit on the thigh before he got away. Police were called. Dog is fine.

I got to introduce someone with the name "quetzalcoatl" to Quetzalcoatlus, the damned coolest, largest flying dino evers. We think. You know how we always backtrack on the statistics or find something even more unlikely. Current estimate is a 36 foot wingspan, and they flew American Airlines style across the ocean.

I think the Ambien will arrive shortly, so here's a copy and paste of my best/worst dream ever. You ever wake up and wonder, "Did I actually accidantly ingest acid at some point?" Full disclosure, I've never done acid, seems like a bad idea. I digress, long weird dream I had: The best one was after I escaped a hospital full of zombies (the admin zombies were the worst, they were everywhere and extra out-to-get-you), it turned into a video game style thing where UV light hurts them and it just so happens that whatever building I was in was rigged for those to alternately turn off or on. I even got a few resets. Then somehow I realized that the zombie-aliens greatest enemy are....wait for it....house cats, like in that Stephen King movie. So last part was me running around, freeing cats from stores and pounds. Be free! Free to eat the faces off the alien zombie things!

Time to go. Lights look brighter and more appealing. I'm a moth!

8/16/12 09:34 am - HAPPY

I got 5 hours of solid sleep, the kids are at school until 2:30, I got to grocery shop in quiet and only buy the things on my list, I had an uninterrupted breakfast of chocolate milk & turkey sandwich, and now I'm going to have a NAP. I LOVE EVERYBODY RIGHT NOW.

5/30/12 06:28 pm - this needs to recorded for the ages

Gabe exclaims, "I sucked my tentacles!"

My dismay face D: <--- pretty much that right there
What does that MEAN??? What are your tentacles?! Are we playing pirates?

Gabe: No! *points at crotch* My tentacles!

I continue looking dismayed. "What do you do to them then?"

I think he mashed them on a branch he was climbing. He's now whispering, "testicles. Testicles," as he does when he's practicing a new word or some new turn of obscene phrase I've shouted at another driver.
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5/12/12 08:01 pm - I suppose I should make a stab at a real update

Let's see. The children are currently wrapping up their year in pre-k, in two different schools, which different schedules. It's not too bad, but having everyone on the same schedule next year will be a relief. Gabriel has just about outgrown his need for any kind of therapy, although he continues to make the appropriate sounds in strange ways. He keeps his upper lip peeled back when he talks but he makes the right sounds somehow that way.

Malachai adores pre-school, though we suddenly hit a rut where he doesn't want to get up in the morning. We've been having some bedtime issues, but I'm trying to get everyone back on track. The children ALWAYS wake up fully in the middle of the night, and instead of coming to me, who just cuddles, offers water, and boots them back to bed, they've decided to go downstairs and watch tv with Danny. Danny will have to immediately turn off the tv and use the tablet pc instead, oh the poor dear. He doesn't object, just needs to remember to do it automatically.

The school the beasties will attend next year is a Montessori charter school. It very much fits Gabriel's style of learing. He may or may not listen to an explanation about how plants grow, that he himself initiated, but if you give him something to demonstrate it, you can teach him concepts you would not think him ready for for YEARS. Malachai can learn by just being spoken at, but as with nearly all children his age, he's more interested and remembers more longterm the concepts he was able to learn by physically manipulating something. Gabriel is hesitant about leaving the preschool he has known for two years, but when he sees all the beads and blocks in his new school, I am certain he will be completely won over. I never did see a child for loving beads and shiny things the way my little redheaded crow does. The beads and blocks are in the math section, so I fully expect that child to be much more competent at math than his forebears.

The school does make me a little nervous, because as a charter they have to do a lot of fundraising to keep something of the things I consider basics, such as a formal music program and a PE program. Maybe I'm not giving credit where credit is due, but I feel maybe PE for physically able children shouldn't be too hard of a program to put together, and children who do need more physically, maybe they should want someone with a therapy background. I'm a little worried for that part, and about fundraising. I'm not one of those people who joyously jumped into Avon and Scentscy and forcing your friends to listen to sales pitches. I really hope they have occassional fundraisers that offer things I'd actually want, so I feel good about poking friends and strangers to buy. I'll figure something out. If I cannot help them raise money, I will put myself out for cleaning classrooms, playground maintainence, and painting and such.

Uh, hey...any of you guys know anything about grant writing? The school needs one, but I don't really know where you just find one. Ideally I'd like to learn it myself, but I'm thinking this isn't something you just go read a few webpages about. Maybe it is! Anyone give me a pointer about where/how to learn this?

Going to this charter school also has just a few drawbacks: no bus, so I will need about as much gas money for everyday back-and-forths as I do now. I never did plan on the beasts being latchkey kids so young, so that part isn't an imposition. And this would have come up even with a regular public school: work. How do people with overlapping schedules manage this? Say my job is 3 pm to 11:30 pm, and Danny's continues to be 2:45 to 11:45 pm. What do people do with their kids? I have the feeling the only answer for those late night hours is "grandparents." That's not an option for us. Grandpa cannot, and Grandma will not. I loathe not having plans in place, but this is something I'm just going to have to roll with. I'm not sure that I want the job I in mind, beacuse while it is very good pay and the resposibilities wouldn't be too onerus, I would be better served long-term to begin schooling. And then with schooling comes LOANS, which I loathe. OH WOE IS ME.

So, mostly these days I'm just concentrating on improving and expanding my cooking, the usual (clean house, clean kids, feed kids, feed kids, feed kids), and dreading the blistering murderous summer.

4/29/12 04:05 pm - a great trip to the park

My friend, whose name I have promised not to divulge, met us at the park today. It was the greatest trip ever. First, we had inappropriate conversation about porn:

(in reference to 70's porn vs modern porn)
"Well, they take so many shots..." *pause, stare at friend* :-D :-D
"That was unintentional but I love it so much, I'm gonna say it a few more times."

Then, just before we left, I spot a guy wearing a Kony 2012 shirt.
"DO YOU WATCH POKEMON, friend whose name is withheld?!"
*puzzled look* "Sometimes..."
"LOOK! A WILD DOUCHE APPEARS!"

Then the fine gentleman went into the bouncy castle set up there and promptly injured himself. In a bouncy castle. Without anyone else in it. Could not have worked out better.

3/30/12 03:52 pm - Carla said I should write this down

Actually, she said, "that's one for the family album."

Malachai went running toward the bathroom, didn't make it, puked on the hallway floor. He was chagrined. To comfort him, Danny told him a story that started with, "When I was 24, I drank too much tequila," and ended with,"and then I puked in my grandma's hair."


His other stories end with, "and then the cops showed up, so we ran."

3/20/12 02:46 am - Made Danny a sammich. Bitches love sammiches

Danny got his cpap a few days ago. He was extremely nervous about it, because at the sleep study he did it felt like he was trying to breathe with his head stuck out of the window at a jet. It IS pretty rough, I tried it myself. BUT, he's already getting used to, and sometimes even enjoying it. He calls it his Darth Vader mask. I think he looks like that Bain fellow. Today, I came up with a few other similarities between Darth Vader and Danny:

Have twins
Neither can run very well
Lack of social skills
Likes firing people

It's a short list but I don't actually like Star Wars at all. I just humor the man.

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3/9/12 10:30 am - named some things in the aquarium

So, we have now: Bill The Brocolli (he's a Kenya tree soft coral, looks like a pink brocolli), Blueberry (blue coral beauty fish), The Nemos (two clowns), Lenny the Blenny, Sneaky Elwood (starry-eyed nelnny, Gabe named him after watching The Blues Brothers), Peter Frampton came already named (spotted Dragonet goby, reminds me of The Beatles' Yellow Submarine buy with psychedelic green and black spots), and now I have named the Hammer coral Christopher Lee.

I am debating naming the frogspawn coral "Viagra" or "Cyalis" because it looks like a pile of flaccid penises.
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